He stood out like a slow curve in a world of fastballs
Yet, this is not an epistle about baseball
“He stood out like a slow curve in a world of fastballs,” wrote Ed Robertson.
Spoiler alert, it’s not Zack Greinke, Liván Hernández, Tom “Flash” Gordon, or Bert Blyleven. It’s not the southpaw Barry Zito, either.
Like I said, we’re not talking hardball here today.
Who and what, then, are we discussing?
I shall initiate a character study of this gentleman.
No ballplayer he, but the fella was indeed a major player in the culture of the 1970s. Some even went so far as to call him an “iconoclast.”
Was he?
Perhaps. I don’t know for sure, but I went ahead and studied him…for reasons we’ll get into in a bit.
Some things I noticed in him (and perhaps myself):
He ate Oreo cookies by the package.
He drank domestic beer and loved fast food.
He watched baseball, football, and basketball games rather than attending the theatre or opera. He was also a big L.A. Rams fan.
If he could, he’d spend all day fishing.
He hated going to the dentist.
What else?
He avoided jury duty if he could help it.
He liked wearing houndstooth sportscoats.
When he punched someone, his hand—not the other guy’s face—would likely get hurt.
For his job, his fee was $200 per day—plus expenses. More often than not, his clients stiffed him.
You may think I’m making a big hullabaloo about nothing…what’s the big deal about this fella?
Seems totally normal…kind of a bumbling loser at times, even.
Not what I’d call “iconoclastic” in the least.
Labels aren’t my concern.
See, when you’re kicking around the idea of starting a podcast or a blog or a customer-facing business of any kind, your run-of-the-mill knowitall Internet guru will inevitably say that you need to have an “avatar.”
The avatar is what you believe your “perfect listener/reader/customer” to be.
Frankly, I can’t stand the “avatar” language and this will hopefully be the last time I mention it.
Now, the aforementioned “iconoclast” is certainly someone I can identify with…probably the perfect person to consume my content.
One potential hold-up: I’m not a Rams fan…but I’m not a hater either. I loved Eric Dickerson in the 1980s and on occasion I wear a Rams #29/Dickerson jersey/t-shirt.
Furthermore, this guy was a terrible sports gambler. We are practically kinsmen in this regard.
For a little flavor from his answering machine archive:
“Here’s the tally, Jimbo. You had Atlanta on even money—tough break—and you got bombed on the new Wake Forest fiasco, and you split the quinella at Hollypark, so you’re in the book four dollars and fifty cents. Any time before Friday, huh, buddy?”
Someone referred to him as “the taco king” at least once.
Two of my friends, Dan and Web, refer to burritos synonymously as “O’Learys”—more than occasionally—due to my fondness for the particular Mexican cuisine.
The “iconoclast” also lived at the beach. Inches away from the sand itself. Something I also plan on doing…hopefully before I turn 50.
So cool.
I can only wish this man would read or listen to the content we regularly put out.
He doesn't, unfortunately. I know that for a fact.
He’s fictional. His name was Jim Rockford.
… of The Rockford Files, one of my favorite television shows of all-time.
A few months ago, I randomly started watching an episode from Season 4 called “Dwarf in a Helium Hat.”
It was an interesting episode from the beginning. So I took notes as a budding “reviewer.”
The first twist was that Rockford gets a phone call and actually answers the phone. Usually, Jim’s phone rings and the machine picks up—as it does every time in the show’s introduction.
As the opening credits roll, we find that David Chase, lately of The Sopranos fame, is one of the writers on this episode.
Rick Springfield, the 1980s rocker, is the guest star and has an Australian accent…because he is actually from Australia and ditched his Down Under accent when his American career took off a few years after taking on this cameo.
Good episode…case of mistaken identity. Hilarity and a caper ensue.
All of this further cements the fact that Jim Rockford is on my team…or at least would have been.
And what do my team members want, nay, need as summer kicks into high gear?
Draft Top
The Draft Top not only opens the top of your aluminum can, but it also gets rid of it altogether. It’s like you’re drinking out of a glass.
My family got me a new one for Father’s Day and it is…awesome. That’s all I can say.
Makes drinking my “bubble water” way nicer. I may have to try it on a brewski or two come the July 4th holiday.
No sharp edges.
Get 20% off of your order when you use code dtmay20% at checkout.
Yours in toplessness,
Brian O’Leary